I Hate It, Let’s Watch It

76. Hypnotic

If you're having a bad day, need a self-esteem booster and want to feel smart,  then Hypnotic is the movie for you! With a plot so simple that a 7th grader could have written it and "twists" so predictable you could see them a mile away in dense fog with a blindfold on, this movie doesn't even attempt to be smarter than its audience and as a result, it's a snoozefest from start to finish.
 
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75. Riverdale S6E22 - Night of the Comet

Things look BLEAK for Riverdale in the Season 6 finale -- Bailey's Comet is hurtling right at this cursed place, no one can escape Percival's bubble dome, and everyone's best hope is the vindictive spirit of Abigail Blossom which is still imprisoned in the creepy Julien doll. In spite of the odds (and our fervent prayers for utter decimation), Archie and the gang survive Doomsday but at what cost?? This finale sets up the premise for Season 7 and, spoiler alert, WE ARE NOT HAPPY. Thanks for coming on this painful journey with us! We hope you'll come suffer with us again through the final season of Riverdale!
 
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74. Till Death

Till Death dares to ask the question, what would you do if the ol' ball and chain became a very literal ball and chain? Handcuffed to her husband's dead body, Megan Fox's Emma must complete the most extreme escape room challenge to get out of this crazy scheme alive. It definitely helps that she somehow moves like a stealthy ninja, despite her cumbersome predicament, and that the goons hired to kill her are very stupid/possibly blind. It also helps that she seems impervious to frostbite and can hold her breath in ICE COLD water for an extremely long time. Yes, there were problems with this movie. But did we have fun? Listen and find out!
 
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73. Riverdale S6E21 - The Stand

It's getting down to the wire, and we're FINALLY starting to understand! The science  behind the Rivervale alternate universe is explained! It makes perfect sense why we spent all that time watching Archie unionize the laborers! We even get to see what's going on at good ol' Riverdale High School, and IT ALL COMES TOGETHER! Juuuuust kidding. We get absolutely none of that. We DO get to finally dispose of Percival, just in time to be introduced to our latest villain...Bailey's Comet. You know those heart-warming stories of marathon runners carrying a fellow runner to the finish line when they are too weak to go on? That's us and that's you. Let us carry you to the finish line of Season 6 of Riverdale because if you've made it this far, you MUST be exhausted.
 
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72. Riverdale S6E19&20 - The Witches of Riverdale & Return to Rivervale

We're coming at you with a two-fer this week because honestly, folks, we are limping to the finish line here. Episode 19 brought us entirely unwanted and unnecessary closure for failed Archie Comic universe show The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and quite frankly wasted our time, but Episode 20 bombarded us with plot reveals and explanations. And while we did enjoy gaining some semblance of what the FUCK is going on this season, we still have hundreds of unanswered questions, particularly regarding the logistics of parallel universes and why our Riverdale-themed merchandise was removed from TeePublic by the Disney Corporation. Only two episodes remain in Season 6, so if you aren't caught up, check out our recaps! Some say it's a much less painful replacement for watching the actual show...
 
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71. Old

Ahh, to live and die on a white sandy beach...But it's M. Night Shyamalan, so it was never going to be that simple. The relaxing tropical vibe is shattered almost immediately by anemic character development, six-year-olds having sex, stabby schizophrenics, IMPOSSIBLE lung capacity, and a lackluster "twist" ending. We have TONS of questions and (spoiler alert) we do a pretty terrible job of attempting to answer them considering the fact that this movie gave us nothing.
 
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70. Willy’s Wonderland

If, like us, you're a 90s kid and grew up with a perfectly rational fear of the haunting dead-eyed stare of one Charles Entertainment Cheese, this movie WILL trigger you. It's almost too easy to accept that Willy's Wonderland had once been operated by a ring of serial killers who then all committed suicide in a satanic ritual which preserved their murderous souls in the bodies of animatronic characters. Nick Cage certainly has no problem coming to terms with it, and the carnage that ensues is both ridiculous and hilarious. Oh, and it's worth mentioning that Nick Cage does not say a single word for the duration of this film. It. Is. Wild.
 
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69. The Sand

If you thought that a movie filmed in 12 days on one beach with an undisclosed (probably shoestring) budget would be a big mistake, we're here to tell you that you're absolutely right. Flawed from the sand up, this movie posits questions it never bothers to answer, tries to get us invested in a love triangle with three of the most unlikeable humans known to man, and at the end of the day, REFUSES to explain what exactly the fuck is up with the titular sand. We recommend this film to anyone who wants to feel smart, because every character in this movie is a next level idiot except for the undisputed savior of this otherwise complete disaster, Beach Patrol Alex. Please sign our petition to get this guy his own movie.
 
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